When you ask people of all ages and genders “What could you never forgive a loved one?” 99 percent of men and women confidently answer, “Cheating,” usually referring to the banal betrayal. But it turns out that we understand this word differently: what women consider cheating, for men is only a minor episode they will probably forget about in a month. And vice versa: what is understood unacceptable for men is only innocent admiration for women. That is why it is so difficult for us to understand one another.
Part of their nature
Men are polygamous for the body but monogamous for the soul, so they consider treason not a physical act, but the closeness of the soul and heart. Sleeping with someone, they do not take it for granted until they truly fall in love. So while your husband stops his eyes on pretty girls on the streets, flirting with waitresses in a restaurant, and even having short business trips, nothing to worry about. Of course, it is rude and unethical to compare intimacy with any other physiological process, but easy relationships without continuation are perceived by men in this way. Not all men imagine something serious like meet wives when they make random pretty girls compliments.
But if the look of a man suddenly becomes dreamy, and he loses the essence of conversation and replies out of order, there is reason to suspect something. Most likely, there is a woman occupying his mind and dreams or even physical connections in reality. And let’s not forget about modern kinds of cheating – people may not even have an intimate relationship – there are known cases where a loved one lives in another city, and the cheaters are only connected by phone calls or e-mail. But the fact remains the same: if two people who are not dating fell in love, then they betrayed their significant others emotionally.
Details of the same puzzles
Women, by contrast, are monogamous in regard to the body, but polygamous in the soul. Keeping one man physically close, their mind can be occupied by a whole harem, consisting of representatives of strong sex.
For example, they can love every man they were dating during life and remember every relationship regardless was it a pleasant or awful experience. Chances are, you woman still keeps in mind the first boy that told her she was cute in the kindergarten, the one who gave her a flower in the primary school, the teenager who she had her first kiss with, and other males that contributed to her self-perception and forming of her psyche before you.
Women’s first love is usually connected with famous actors or movie actors. For example, our grandmothers adored the early 60-s Hollywood stars and singers of that time, our mothers were fond of completely other icons and the idols of their moms seemed already too old and out of fashion. We used to have our own ideals in childhood or as we were growing up. The list of the popular people we admire is changing, but posters depicting them can still be in our rooms, or there still might be some their merch in the darkest corners of our closets. And this is normal, and no one considers that cheating even if you know hat your beloved had a crush on someone as they were maturing.
We also treat innocent flirting at work without any implications! Wink to a pretty colleague. And if someone says that in this way we betray our second half, we will only laugh: what nonsense!
Everyone cheats on everyone
This is the different attitude of men and women to betrayal and often causes serious conflicts. The man, having cheated, confronted with the anger and insult of his wife, is genuinely surprised: “I only love you, that one case was meaningless and my feelings for you have not changed.” But for his partner, those excuses do not work. In fact, no words will help in this case. As you cheat on your beloved, the choice of deciding on your common future immediately becomes their privilege. You should, of course, apologize and genuinely want to become better if you want to save the relationships. But only the other one decides whether to forgive and believe you.
So, everyone cheats on everyone? No, and even the different nature of perception of this phenomenon doesn’t make cheating a normal thing.
To tell or not to tell?
That is also the question. One thing is when such an unpleasant case happened to your couple but the whole other issue is whether you should confess. Does it count that the cheating did not occur if your partner didn’t find out about it? No. It will always be your ax that might fall one day and your conscience will get tormented. If you want to live honestly, you should better tell the partner because no matter how differently people treat this situation, they still always have a right to know the truth.